Day Two Is Over

It is either growth and maturity in selflessness
Or I really love him
My reaction is to stand up for him
If it seems like people want to take my “side”
I want them to see the best in him even though I don’t understand why
Two days–
Forty-nine hours and fifty-three minutes
Not like I’m counting or anything
It seems like days, weeks
I haven’t even seen him in a week but even that feels like longer
Our lack of communication and the knowledge that we are no longer together
It’s like I’m missing a part
A part of me that made sense,
that made me happy,
that felt… Right.

Now day two is over and I don’t want to move on,
So I won’t,
I’ll wear the earrings
I’ll think of him
Of us
I’ll keep him alive in me

Then, when I’m ready, I’ll be at peace
Knowing I tucked him away on my heart
And that’s where he will stay
Because he found his way into my heart.

-ShelleyRenae

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Reminds Me

So many things remind me of him

The hbu on my parents license plate
The earrings I can’t seem to take off
The blinks I make when I don’t have words
“All of me, all of you”
Making faces at people without thinking
Tacos
The complete comfort I have in my own body
Shellaylay
“She said”
Thinking about my apartment
These navy pants
All my pants
Street Style Memory
My gold dollar
The story behind my gold dollar
My baby hairs

Break Up

I’m learning to break up

Not break down
I still love him
I’m not mad
He isn’t an ass
Or a horrible person
He is still beautiful
And loving
And incredible
A deep thinker
A sweet lover
A great listener
Open to learning
Open to be challenged in his thinking
So good to me
So good for me.

I still love him.
I will always be better because of him.

-ShelleyRenae

I Asked for It

“If you ever don’t want to be with me anymore, just break up with me.”

And he did.

All the times I’d asked for it
I must not have fully realized what I was really asking for
I had always stated it out of insecurity
I realized my mistake
The minute the words left his mouth
He was done
I didn’t want it to be over
And now it is.

-ShelleyRenae

I Loved Him

Love is patient
And love is kind
The depth of this love
Is not easy to find
I still loved him
In some ways I loved him unconditionally
In other ways it was simply vanity

I loved his smile and his smile eyes
His eyes were always smile eyes
Always positive, always hopeful
Not more or less
He just was what he was
He didn’t try to fit any box or be what anyone thought he should
Yet he was always striving to be better
He sought harmony, peace and love
He strived for discipline, self-control and to be a better person.

I loved him
For what he was and what he wasn’t.

-ShelleyRenae